Indoor welding

Today I tried out welding and grinding in the studio. I cleared out the front half of the room and it worked out great. I finished up the fireplace cover, except for the patina.

Tonight, while working on my sewn shoe piece, I listed to some podcast of essays by Emerson. I love what he had to say about art. He was talking about how when an artist is working on a particular piece, in a particular medium, that is the only thing that seems to exist, worth doing for that time. I don't think that he was referring to the commonly talked about "being fully in the moment" focus that is said to be experienced by artist while they make their art. Instead, he was commenting on something more specific that I have noticed many times. When I am excited about welding the next, new table, I seem to lose interest in paintings and the other way around. I have found this with gardening (as he mentioned) and building my patio. Recently I was excited about a new style of painting but I quickly became consumed with my present sewing piece and the thought of taking a break to paint before it's done seems impossible. Luckily I'm almost done with the sewing piece and I'm pretty confident that my 2 large canvases, that are waiting, will have plenty of inspiration when I get back to them.

"Dinner Party" Oil on wood 17" x 19"

Sold to Kym Cutter, Oct. 2010 directly after completion.

This painting come about when I was listening to someone once gain tell me of all the ruthlessness that goes on in their family. I kept answering "JACKALS!!!". I was thinking about doing a painting on this, how people can be so vicious to each other as if fighting over meat. I like the stereo type of jackals, but I don't necessarily believe in projecting negative human traits onto animals. Besides, when I looked up jackals on google images, they had a sleek and graceful form that seemed to contradict the feeling that I wanted to paint. So I abandoned the jackal concept and just kept the feeling. This is what came out.

Yesterday I drove Bryan's truck to the junkyard and found the perfect piece of mining screen for the fire place project. I was so happy to see it, as I was really worried about the chances of them having the right one. It was a lot of fun. I had never actually been the one to drive on the welding errands and we stopped by Starbucks on the way. Also swung by Home Depot for a wire wheel and some spray paint. When I got home I cut up the mesh. It was clogged with gravel, which I would have left. It looked very cool and organic, but I know that the client wanted more of a minimal, sleek look, so I tapped each hole out with a hammer and a nail. It was quite an undertaking and took a few hours but after all-What's a few hours? Worked on the piece again today, but I felt worried about making noise because Bryan was sleeping and the neighbors were enjoying their Saturday back yard. I'm almost done with the piece and hope to finish it tomorrow. The noise is an issue that I would like to figure out. Maybe I can try to work inside. That could solve the whole thing. After all this is an art studio!

Tonight I watched "The Godfather" great movie.

Resources

I'm really excited and also really stressed out. I have a commission to do, but it seems to be more of a struggle than I would like. Here's how it started. While in the relationship and artistic collaboration with Christina, we made an amazing table. Then we put that table into the Epic Cafe, with my business cards on it. I got a phone call from a guy named Craig. He wanted me to do a bunch of metal work for him. So Christina and I met with him at his house to talk over his ideas and take measurements. Craig wanted a simple fireplace cover and a plain steel ladder made. He was also interested in having us make a custom steel and ceramic table for his back porch. We set up an appointment for him to come over to Christina's house and look at our work, as well as seeing examples of the furniture and tile. During the following week she and I broke up, so I assumed that the job was impossible to do, considering that she had all of the resources (metal, welding equipment, tile and transportation). So, I emailed Craig and cancelled the projects. He then replied, asking if there was any way that I could find another place to weld and move forward on the projects, even adding that he wasn't very interested in the tile portion of the work anyway. The reason that I had cancelled in the first place wasn't that I didn't think I could do the work, but rather that I assumed that my lack of resources would make it too complicated and that no one (like Craig) would want to hear about those complications and obstacles that I have. This is why I was so suprised and grateful for him being understanding and willing to work with me. So I made a frame for his fireplace cover and yesterday he came to pick it up to see how it looked in place. We talked again about other projects that his still wants me to do. I am really glad that I can drive now because recently the main problem has become "How can I go and get the materials to do this work?" Some times I get very overwhelmed and I feel as if my nervousness is noticable when I talk to him, but I just need to focus on doing the next step. It will all work out.

Privilege

Today I finished the painting that I am calling "Privilege". Oil on wood, 17" x 19". This painting was a lot of fun. I started out by painting the whole surface black. Then I started 'drawing' with white oil paint. Once I got my subject matter and characters laid out, I began adding the color. I'm always excited when I am able to bring my favorite aspects of drawing into one of my paintings. I think starting with the black underpainting, helps me to be able to draw with the paint. At a certain stage in the painting I switch my perspective over to looking at it as an actual painting. But it's good to start with seeing as a drawing.

Iron Street Memories

"Iron Street Memories" 23" x 27" mixed media. Completed on October 14th, 2010. This piece is made out of reclaimed materials and objects. For example the background material and white embroidered shapes came from taking apart a box spring mattress. It also has remnants of a previous oil painting on canvas that I cut up. I found several used ball caps in a free clothing box on the end of my street. I used the bills of the hats to add some 3 dimensionality to the piece. I cut plastic garbage bags into strips and braid them together to outline all the different shapes of the work. And then I sewed everything together with dental floss.

This piece is a visual expression of the small subculture I experienced in a specific place and time, when I was around 14, living on the streets in Bellingham, WA. A bunch of us kids stayed in an abandoned house on Iron Street. Rumor had it that the house had spent seven or so years with a continuous and revolving occupancy of transients, punk rockers and whoever happened to be passing through town. We called it the Iron Street Squat. A lot of us kids would pass the time drinking 40's of Old E, sewing patches onto our clothes with dental floss and practicing graffiti in sketch books and on the walls of the building.

"Scrutiny"

In addition to using this blog as a sort of journal and place to express my ideas, I would like to use it as a sort of catalog of thoughts and descriptions of my artwork. This is pretty cool because my art is such a relevant record of what I'm going through day to day. The visual, creative works and writing, together make a much more complete representation of my life than either one alone. I sure have a lot of back log but I do want to go back and explain each piece on the days in between when I've completed a new on. I'll put an approximate completion date for each one, so that the chronology of the work doesn't get too confusing.

"Scrutiny" oil on wood- 13" x 15" Welded steel frame. I did this painting in the winter of 2009. It taught me a powerful lesson that was extremely relevant to me, personally. In this period, I was being a terrible perfectionist and was not satisfied with very much of what I would come up with. I kept fighting with myself. I would think to myself conflicting ideas. on the one hand, I would have a sincere desire to be free and express my unique self. But then I would criticize anything that would come out while painting. I was on a binge of using yellow ochre at the time and was experimenting with some black lines. This face started to emerge and as usual, I was extremely critical of it. I felt like it wasn't right, wasn't good enough, etc. Suddenly, I realized just how cruel I was being. I began to see the face as some being that I was judging so harshly. I started to realize that this being, this face was myself, since it was my painting, my creation. I was being so critical of myself, my art! I decided to explore what it was that this painting wanted to be, not what I wanted to force it to be. I began to really feel compassion for this victim of my perfectionism. I too am tortured by my own self judgement and inability to accept myself for who I actually am. Once I started to see the painting in this new way, I began to admire it for it's self, for the way that it tended to be. It's way better when I can work with myself in that same way. I want so much. I want to be great and do great things, but when it gets out of hand this can keep me from seeing what things are unique and good about me. I am reminded about this wonderful lesson, every time I look at this painting.

I have had this blog for over a year but let it sit unused for most of that time. Recently, I became interested in taking it more seriously and am just starting to pick up some momentum. I really want to get to the point of adding one blog entry a day, no matter how small. Unlike most of my resolutions and desires, I think this is pretty practical and do-able.

I've had a commission for a month or so, that I've been procrastinating any progress on. A steel fireplace cover. The guy contacted me because he say the table that I had in the Epic Cafe. Right after doing the bid, for him, Christina and I parted ways again, so I felt like I wasn't going to be able to do it for him. I thought that I actually could do the work but figured that there would now be too many complications that he probably wouldn't want to deal with me anymore. So I emailed him to cancel the job. He wrote back to see if there was any way I'd reconsider. The main obstacle I've been having is transportation. I don't have a car to go get the metal, but I didn't want to have to explain this stuff to him. He has been so patient.

Today, I finally finished the frame for the piece and emailed him to let him know that he could pick it up to see if it would look good in place.We'll see if his patience continues.

Yesterday I caught the bus to the DMV, expecting to start the process of getting my driver's license back. I was amazed when the handed it to me so easily. After 7 years without driving, I walked away from the DMV really feeling "Things are gonna change, I can feel it." So that's one thing I gotta remember, stuff like this fireplace cover will be getting better now.

"Under the Bed"

"Under the Bed" oil on wood. 12" x 27"

I finished this painting last night on Oct 11th. It is painted on a cabinet door. I usually don't like the cabinet doors that I come across because they tend to be made out of particle board, plywood or some other cheap and unreliable synthetic, composite material. But I recently found a stack of them made from real wood. So I sanded them and on this one I started out by putting a base coat of black. The black was a framework of random lines rather than solid. I worked the painting on several occasions until I realized the face of the main figure, a young girl or child sleeping. The creature on the bottom illustrates the story of monsters under the bed. There is also a man, maybe a father standing next to the bed. In

this piece, I really enjoyed working with the color and contrast. I kept a limited palate so that I could focus on these even more.

Also, today was my birthday. I met with a client and sold the piece "Dinner Party". Always a good day when I sell some art.

Went to coffee after sunset and enjoyed the ambiance of the most smoker friendly Starbucks in Tucson (at Crossroads Festival).

TED

I have been watching a lot of videos on this site, www.ted.com (TED Talks). I think that this is one the best venues for information about current scientific advancement and social change that I have found. It is also extreme proof of the good that can come from this massive spread of information that we are starting to experience (internet). It is really uplifting and gives me a feeling that us people are moving forward. They are talks and presentations by leading experts in science, social issues and other areas. It's a real antidote to the jaded feeling that a person can get when hearing about the things that go on in our world. Also, just plain exciting! Oh, and it's free of course.

The Unstoppable Force

It's amazing and perfect, how seemingly small thoughts or experiences can explode into an avalanche of ideas. Sometimes they are things that you don't really remember noticing because they didn't seem important at the time. They are like sleeper ideas waiting for some fertile context to arise. They can take many years to incubate and develop.

Even though Bellingham, WA is a pretty small town, it has a circumstance that allows it to be some what unique. Other than some small farming communities, Bellingham is the last town on the I-5 before entering Canada. So, while living on the streets there in my early teen years, I noticed that it seemed to have a lot more wingnuts, freaks and transients than made sense for a place of it's size. I wasn't alone in this perception. There would be rumors and theories floating around as to why this was. "something in the water", " an old indian curse" or "a mental hospital had shut down in the 80's, letting all of it's patients out into the streets" were just a few. I don't know what truth to any of them there is. I think that really, it's just a kind of dead end, being the last stop on the freeway and railroad, before hitting the border. That's why my family had ended up there. We were trying to move to Alaska and ran out of gas money. After finding work, my parents decided to just stay and I'm sure this was the case for a lot of destitute and sometimes mentally unstable travelers. Hanging out downtown and getting high as a teenager, I can't count how many strange and interesting characters I met.

One of them was a crack head from LA, that had somehow hitchhiked up the coast. Although, I couldn't picture how he got anyone to pick him up. He was barefoot, dirty and wore a pair of tattered cut off shorts and he didn't talk. The thing that stuck out in my memory about this guy was that he had bracelets and anklets that he had braided together out of tattered stringy pieces of plastic garbage and shopping bags.

This memory has been floating around in my head for years. Recently, while thinking about some 3 dimensional art ideas, I remembered this and began thinking I'd like to make things out of garbage and specifically plastic bags. I'd been collecting little trinkets and metal pieces for quite awhile. But didn't really know what the application for them would be. As this idea was developing, I took a vacation to Portland, OR. I saw examples of similar things, at the Portland Craft Museum and Saturday Market. The ideas were developing momentum and I was so excited about it, that I would pick up pieces of plastic, caution tape and other things while walking around. I couldn't wait to get back home to really get to work on these ideas. I had an old piece of composite wool padding from a box spring mattress, the kind that looks like it's recycled from little shreds of other discarded fabrics. I cut it into four pieces to use as a background for a serious of recycled garbage art wall hangings. Paintings made up of these found objects and materials rather than paint. Each of the four pieces will have their own color scheme and character.

While working on those four pieces, I started cutting the garbage bags into strips and braiding them together. After braiding for a couple of weeks, it dawned on me how to actually weave the separate braids together to make a belt. Today, while weaving the belt, I decided I also wanted to make a choker and a curtain for the window I put into the studio here.

So this guy that society would generally never imagine could inspire anything, gave me an idea that fifteen years later, as if a switch had been flipped on, would become active and fuse with other ideas. Most of which along the way, also seemed insignificant. The man made world we live in is made up of all of these tiny ideas floating, mingling and evolving over time. This ties into the study of memes. For example, an idea of how to enhance military communication evolved into the Internet that has transformed civilization globally and some minor observation on how a gecko's feet sticking to a wall could be studied and mimicked in other applications. There are many more examples but the point is, in the realm of ideas it is naive to think that you can define the point where any one of them begins or ends. If something is interesting to you then that is the perfect reason to explore it, there is no telling where it could lead and who it could inspire.. Because, they all put their little contribution into the perpetual transformation of the world we live in.

NAC/apm

Early memories of Las Vegas

drivers License

My birthday is coming up in two weeks and I'm gonna get my driver's license back. I've been without it for seven years. It started out that I didn't pay my insurance and I started getting tickets for no insurance. Then I started getting extra fines for not paying my 'no insurance' tickets. Then I got my license suspended. Then when I got pulled over I started getting tickets for no insurance and driving on a suspended license. Then I got extra fines for not paying those fines. Then it became that each time I 'd get pulled over I would get a ticket for no insurance, driving on a revoked license and I'd get one extra year each time tacked onto the revoked license. All in and all the fines added up to something in the area of $5000. Those ended up getting paid off but the license was still revoked for several years.

So this Birthday is gonna be very exciting. It's been a lot of hassle and opportunities that I wasn't able to take advantage of. When I was in Portland, for example, looking for work most of the jobs required a driver's license. When I told the company that finally hired me, that I didn't have a license, they were convinced that it was obviously because I had gotten a DUI. When I said that it was not a DUI, but because of lack of insurance, they just patronizingly said "Uh, huh, su-u-re." and refused to believe otherwise. Even right now at the end of this ordeal, I'm involved in a metal project but I'm not able to go to the junkyard to buy the materials I need, to do the job, to make the money that I'm gonna end up paying to reinstate my license. It will work out but it sure has been a long hassle.